You spend 12 months thinking of the perfect gift for important people in your lives. No, not every waking minute, but when you see something, you take note..."That would be perfect for..." It's all over in a day, or two. Gone, until next year.
I thought that was what bothered me. All this anticipation and planning, and it is over so suddenly. The older I get though, I'm learning more about myself and why the holidays make me so sad.
I love Thanksgiving. It is good food, good people, and good times. Everything is low key. Everyone is involved. No gifts involved that cost money, maybe your time though.
Christmas is chaotic. People don't teach their children why we are celebrating. It is just all about what did or didn't I get.
We got a whole 'nother year to be with our mother, father, brother, sister.
We got time to sit and laugh with each other.
We got to enjoy one another.
We got to reflect on the previous year and important events.
Christmas is the end of a year and the beginning of another. Naturally, that reflection is going to bring up things I wished I had done, things I was going to do differently, but never did, friends and loved ones that I have lost, lost moments, lost laughter, lost love.
I procrastinate every day of the year, but in December. I mail out cards a month early. I wrap gifts weeks early. And, apparently, I make my New Year's Resolutions. December seems like the only month that I can focus. Focus on the important things. I rush through every other month watching one calendar page after another turn until December. In December, I mentally get things done. I take time to think about all the things that take up to much energy to think about in May. I think that extra time to focus on myself and my mind happens because I focus more on my spirituality at that time more than any other. I think how blessed I am. I think about Jesus' birth and what that means to me and to my children. It's this huge, unmeasurable amount of love and I don't think Christmas will every be happy until I know that they know. By 'they,' I mean Madison, Jackson, and Charlie.
I conscientiously make an effort to teach them, and more importantly show them. But so much is out of my hands. They have these little personalities and even more frightening, their own little minds. I wonder if I do a good job. I hope that I do a better job. And, I pray that I do a great job. Raising kids can really be scary if you take a minute to look at the job we have undertook, and are we really all that qualified to have a life in our hands, and not just this life but their afterlife. I guess my resolution for this year is to go easy on myself and trust that I have good intentions. I want to enjoy the holiday and that time I GET with my family.
Dr. Seuss has a saying that I will try to follow until then..."Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened."
2 comments:
I loved the quote at the end of your post! That Dr. Suess is a wise old cat ( :
I especially agree with the sentiment that we GET to have one more year to celebrate. I think of Larry and more recently, Scottie (it's hard for me still to wrap my mind around the thought that Larry and Scott aren't here anymore). Their lives and passing have made me appreciate the time I have with the people I love even more. It's part of the reason I like to try and make good memories for my family- becasue I know that one year, it might be all they have of me, or me of them.
Good post!
I wrap all my gifts several months before Christmas, but I'm not sure if Madisons birthday is the12 and baby's the23 or what? I guess I'm gettin Alzheimers or justneed to learn to start writing things down now that my memory isnt as sharp as madisons or even Baby's as far as that is concerned.
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